KPC's 5 Rules for Changing Jobs

Kenny Smith, in a column criticizing Kobe Bryant, posted his version of "Basketball's Trade Commandments". Lucky for us, academic departments can't trade us, but getting outside offers and changing jobs is a big issue in our bidness too.

Thus, and with props to Kenny, KPC offers "5 Rules for Changing Jobs".

1. Do not complain about being underpaid or use that as the stated reason for looking to move. Sure we all know that money is the reason, but no one wants to hear it. As hard as it may be to believe, there are probably people in your own department who make less money than you.

2. Never let anyone know how much you want to go. Remember: he who cares the least wins! Also remember that you may end up staying put and facing the same people who you’ve told how miserable they make you.

3. Never bring an offer to the table that you are not prepared to accept. If you bring in an outside offer and your home department does nothing about it, it’s a gots to go situation (unless the offer you bring is actually worse than the one you already have (don’t laugh, that has happened more than once in this world)).

4. Don’t throw your current colleagues under the bus. There is nothing more off-putting than to be interviewing someone and have them constantly complaining about and belittling their current colleagues. It makes you wonder what they’ll be saying about you if you hire them. It's amazing how often people do this.

5. Don’t be a tease. Don’t generate offers from places you have no intention of going to and don’t hold on to an offer for an eternity while you bargain the last nickel from your current chair or dean. Rember, Karma can be a B#&*#&CH!